


All We Know Is Falling

by LinIero



Category: Frank Iero - Fandom, Gerard Way - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, frerard - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Songfic, dramafic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 04:39:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinIero/pseuds/LinIero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Well, some things I will never know, just like you, or everybody in this world. So we ended up having to forget. Or trying to forget.<br/>But there are times when I can not help but wonder: Would not you be better off without me, Gerard? "</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All We Know

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, I'm brazilian. My english isn't good at all to this, I guess. But I really tried. I hope you give me a chance... or not. I don't know.  
> This is a frerard fanfic. POV's Frank, ok? And he is talking about Gerard in the chapters. They're like letters for Gerard, ok?  
> Oh! It's a Songfic, from Paramore's album All We Know Is Falling :3 Every chapter is one song. An the are very very very small haha
> 
> But, if you like, do I deserve reviews or something?? :3  
> I'm really really really really really really really really sorry for my horrible english again :c  
> I hope you enjoy anyway :3

We’ve tried so hard to understand but we can’t. We can’t because when we talk about love, anyone never comprise. No one’s never sure. Let’s be honest, when it comes to this subject, we all become assholes, idiots. As naive as the little kids that play in the city’s park when comes the weekend.

We can have the whole world in our hands but if we make any mistake, we simply run away. You run away. You ran away.

This doesn’t mean that we are separated, because we know very well that when the sun goes down this evening, you'll return to this house. To our house. Maybe not with a smile on the face this time, but without even we touch each other, let us lie in the same bed again. Think about what we could be doing if we let pride aside. And then of minutes in an attempt to empty the mind, on different sides of the the mattress, we sleep.

But it takes some time to let you go and it shows. Even for one night, you complain, throw it all in my face. Say to take it from my mind. From my life. And as you say, all we know is falling. We won’t take one more night, ‘cause I am this… You are that… And I try to forget you. I really try. When I’m alone at home, without taking my eyes off the clock to make sure you will not be late, I try to forget you.

And as you can see, it’s impossible. And it’s useless to try either. I wanted to remind me how, but you know like me that we will never forget anything.

This loneliness during the days when you go to work really kills me inside. Gradually, then I don’t care. I know it will be worth it when you arrive. I can follow you back home, but I won’t. As sad as it was my day, I have problems with my father because I am younger than you and just the fact that other guy with me, already hurt him.

“Is this what you had waited for?” You get angry and shut the door tightly. I get up from the couch and I approach trying to kiss you, "Just to be alone?" Despite your words, you give me back the kiss with the same taste as before given out.

And all the hate coming from the world outside, turns completely in pure love and desire that any teenager dreams to have one day. With the person they love.

But all our way to the room where you carry me distributing some kisses over my neck and now we tearing our shirts, desperately trying to open the zipper of our jeans soon, I realize its serious expression when you take off your lips to mine.

Still, you put me in bed carefully, while I wrap my arms around your neck, in closer. You end up on top of me, and I just sigh happily. However, anyone would feel not being reciprocated. Not that night. "You never said that this was not what you wanted, isn’t it?" I pronounce low in your ears.


	2. Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like it. I liked.  
> reviews in the end?

“Tell me where our time went? And if it was time well spent?” Your sweet voice invades my aching head. Alcohol. Is alcohol smell by the room. I breathe deeply reliving it all over again.

The place was dark and loud music was muffled by the walls and the door closed, but the ground seemed to tremble with each beat. I felt cold hands stroking my back. Caresses that turned into scrapes and his nails dug into my skin sometimes. But we do not complain. And the groans were proof of that. That it was better not stop. That it was better to never end.

And I could feel you. And it was one of the best feelings I've ever had, there was no suspicion. It was proof that we were together, connected in at least one direction.  
I relived every scene, I felt every scene again, thinking only of you. Gerard. I remember looking around. That party ... You stopped studying, which was very important to you, to accompany me. Drink, drugs and sex. This couldn’t be compatible with you. Not what you had become: a better person, focused; purposes. But for that night, it was our reality, because sometimes all we need is a little madness and adrenaline.

We have to get out fast with other people who remained in the house. They are everywhere. Some sleep in the bathtub, others are simply thrown to the ground with several bottles around. The smell of drugs is still strong in every corner we passed.

We held our hands while walking down the empty street reeling. Just could not fall asleep, or we were feel empty again. The effect of all that had been used to deceive us, in the false dream of perfection and joy would be gone and we would be alone on the sidewalk, looking for the way home. No drinks, no drugs or sex to make us laugh.

And so, we are afraid that we might break, and maybe this time, no support. ‘Cause pretend happiness with morphine and alcohol, which will only last for a certain time, doesn’t make you happy. Pretending to live, always surrounded by people, parties and the supposed fun, doesn’t make you alive.

We can feel the pressure, getting closer, don’t you? “We are better off without you”, we try to put this in our head. We don’t need anyone else, nothing more. We are already complete. We found a love for life. I found you.

Is it? Because we can lose hope, there may be nothing else to show for all these days we spent, carried away from home ... Well, some things I will never know, just like you, or everybody in this world. So we ended up having to forget. Or trying to forget.

But there are times I can not help but wonder: Would not you be better off without me, Gerard?


	3. Emergency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy it.

You are bad, aren’t you, love? You locked yourself in your room on the breakfast, not left for work and all I hear when I step through the door of the room are your tearful sobs. The scars haven’t gone away, have they?

I think we have an emergency, You thought I would run away, but you were wrong. I think it was one of the ugliest fights that have occurred in this house. A pack of cigarettes and a half bottle of whiskey. 

Not a good time to find someone. And to want to talk. But this naivety that love bring us, anytime it seems the right time, for more that the negatives responses are very clear.  
And you didn’t want to talk. For some reason I kept there, by your side. Too close to a night like that. "So, are you listening?" I wanted to know, after talk and talk and get any reply. You still faced the television off, cigarette hanging from the corner of your mouth - almost calling me a kiss somewhat inappropriate - and messy black hair, falling slightly under the pale skin.

I wanted to talk, I needed to talk. It had been a bad day. But it was not your fault that nobody cared to talk about it. "Can we talk about it?" I wondered tearful. I thought you were listening to me and knew why I was crying.

I was scared. I said, I was so young... You've worked, I thought what could do in college. I've never loved anyone like I love you, Gerard. And even before there was anyone to fill my heart as you fill.

But I’ve seen love die way too many times, even when deserved to be alive. And see my own family going through it was exhausting. I was afraid to fall into that same misfortune. "And I’ve seen you cry way too many times, when it deserve to be alive " You told me once, when I was fourteen years after the separation of my parents. After these words, straightened my hair behind my ear and sealed your lips on mine. I closed my eyes and slowly, smiling, gave you passage to approach our kiss. "You will see how everything will improve."

So we gave up every chance we had to feel new again. According to what you said, we would start from there, without erasing what the past had left, even if it was an emergency.  
Oh Gerard, you did your best to show me love, but the truth is you didn’t know what love was. You don’t know why you didn’t love me, do you? I was just your toy, and I knew it. I liked that. Because I felt important to you. And I never imagined that all the pretense would become this love. This inexplicable thing that I still didn’t know how to describe.

Saying I love you is not enough, is it?


	4. Brighter

So this is how it goes? Is it really our end?

You caress my waist while I keep hugging yours. I sink my head in your chest tightly, in the idea that never release it. You hear me sob and then play with my hair with the other hand.

"Well, if it ends today... I’ll still say that you shine more than anyone" I cry low.

I have no idea why you thought we were taking it too far. Gerard! is not so hard! But if so, I just want you to know that if you take what is yours, so I can only take what is mine too, even thinking that we should not go there.

But you have to take. You have at least part of your life as a good thing. Have experiences and adventures to explore. And even though I will also be yours, since I know I will not be included this time. And besides you, I have nothing, I want nothing, do not need anything else. Well, not needed.

"Please don’t ... No, not this time ..." I sob while I feel you fidgeting between the sheets. Any simple move like a strong gust of seeing trying to get you away from me. Why Gerard? It's your brother? Your parents? Because they support you in everything but us.... they don’t want us together? There is no other explanation for you having to go so, so suddenly… And I? It is really going to end?

It would be nice to know, even if it’s not your fault. No, I don’t blame you for it, but when I'm without you, I feel so small, weak and insignificant. But if you must go, always know that you shine more than any other does.

I think anyone would feel loved and important to hear that. I would feel. But my goal would be never leave. Not even the family would stop me if I was next to the one I love. If I were with you.

"Can you at least kiss me ... Now?"

"I can do everything you want now" You said, Gerard. And we did. We did everything for that night. And there is nothing that can describe how wonderful it was. You know that. You know how good it is to be with you, talk with you, touch you, feel you.

And even with that sun in the morning after our night, still you really want to go? I'll send letters, I promise. But think carefully if you want to return. Because for me, it's almost like you're running away, and here I am just saying goodbye.

Come on Gee, kiss me again. Let me turn you on for one last time... And you do it. You hold me, trying to be unobtrusive to the driver that is now standing in front of our door. I can not. Can not resist at least one last time.

I pull you to me; I need to feel your lips again. Without hesitation, I pass to you,that fills the kiss most desire. It's so hard to realize that it's not just a mere infatuation? Even we still together, the nostalgia is starting to overflow.

"You know that for me, you still shining more than anyone..."


	5. Here We Go Again

And here we go again ... With all the things we said, and not a minute spent to think that we’d regret. We just take it back these words and hold our breath. "Forget the things we swore we meant" You said while went away.

I said I would write to you as I doing now. I wanted so much you to know that despite everything, I'm fine, and I was not sad to see you go, because I wasn’t. But it would be a lie. They say it’s at these times that we finally realize how much value to give to such a person, but not true.

I always knew very well what you meant to me. Everything. You were everything. And you have no idea how much I was proud to say "I'm dating Gerard. Gerard Way.” when someone asked me, even though I was in college. Really wouldn’t mind if after came some name calling directed at me, because as I said, when I had you, did not need anyone else.

And I hope you have also given me the amount I deserved. Today I'm not sure anymore, since I tried not to let you go, and unfortunately the choice was yours.

And here we go again with all the things we did.

Don’t you remember? Even after all our fights, we’d go back in to bed together in the same place ... Even after all the violence, we would still love each other…

Wow, how could I believe in that? Now I just wanted to know who I would have been to be the one that attached at all time to your hips. Wanted to make sure everything is worth it. If you were years well spent or just a waste of time. If love was real or just another silly game of pretense.

However, here we go again. With all those things we said without even a minute spent to think that we'd regret. Cause I regret every day since you left. Do you also regrets? Or are you happy in your new home? With your family again ...?

Well, at least you had a choice. I have to stay here, alone in this small house, made especially for us. Sleep alone every night, feeling the emptyness on the other side, unable to hear her breathing high invading the room because neither my family wants me back. They already had their time for this and I refused because I was happier at your side.

I miss your laugh, I miss your voice, I miss your smell, I miss your touch. Just don’t know if you feel the same, so I just take it back.


End file.
